Kirsten Ahlburg

Listen to Yourself

translated by
Ib Gram-Jensen



Throughout the ages many tenets have been offered about what people will be most suited to each other. Those tenets tell us what to be aware of when we have to interact with others. They are such tenets as, ‘One should stick to one’s own kind,’ or, ‘Opposites attract.’ But there is a tenet which is far more important. It can help us find our right partner. And it can help us get a better life. I got to know it some years ago.

It was a quite ordinary day when I went to the library to borrow some books. I opened the door, and a man I did not know was standing there. I knew nothing about him. I knew neither his name, nor why he was there, or what kind of person he was. But one thing I knew: he was the one I had been waiting for all my life. Through my encounter with him I would learn the important tenet.

But what does one do in such a situation? After all it is not done to walk up to the man and say, ‘How do you do, I’ve been waiting for you all my life. I want you’ - is it? And I must say that I was indeed struggling violently with myself. I thought, ‘Are you going mad? You can’t have that kind of feeling. Why, you know nothing about that man.’ In short, I rejected my inner feeling. I mistrusted my own sensation. I borrowed the books I needed and left the library.

All the same something in me wanted me to visit the library again the next day. I went up to the man and was introduced. It turned out that he was going to be my new colleague. He greeted me politely, but did not pay any heed to me otherwise. After this, I kept a special eye on him and tried to search myself to find out what it was all about. I was attracted by him in a special way. It felt as if some magnet was drawing me towards him. It was not his looks or sexual magnetism that attracted me. It was another kind of attraction which I could not explain. I seemed to make no impression whatsoever on the man who hardly noticed me. So I repeatedly tried to push my sensation aside and persuade myself that it was only my imagination.

But at the Christmas party I could not hold back. I wanted to know more about him. By now I knew his name and calling. I knew that he was a theologian and interested in spiritual matters. During the dinner I therefore told him about a book I had read on that subject. He listened for five minutes. Then he was to take part in a musical entertainment and left me. I construed his action as a lack of interest in me and decided to dismiss him from my mind. Besides, it would be far too difficult, too, if I became acquainted with him: we were both married.

In order to forget him, I danced all night and got him out of my head. Later he told me he had taken notice of me for real during those five minutes of conversation. He had tried to catch hold of me throughout the rest of the night, and was jealous because I was dancing with all the others, so that he was unable to have a talk. But how could he be jealous when we did not know each other at all? Why, he knew nothing about me either.

After the Christmas holidays, when I had given up all hope of getting to know him, he approached me. He wanted to talk some more with me. Now he also knew I was something special. We had a good long talk. It felt like we had always known one another and just belonged together. Since that day I was sure. I could rely on my spontaneous feelings - my sensation at the library. He was the man of my life. The more time we spent together, the more we became bound up with one another. We belonged to each other, and eventually we gave in, took the plunge and chose one another. We both felt we had found our way home. We were incredibly well matched. And now I am going to return to my original question.

How could I, otherwise a very down-to-earth woman, know that he was the man of my life, long before I had even talked to him? Neither the tenet ‘One should stick to one’s own kind,’ nor ‘Opposites attract’ applied to him. Still we felt just grand together.

To find the answer to that question, one has to be aware of two things. Firstly one has to be aware that in addition to our ordinary senses we human beings have a sixth sense - a kind of inner certitude also known as intuition. When we are in touch with this sense, we are able to perceive what is good and right for us. We can have moments of certainty when we will suddenly know what is best for us. The second thing one has to be aware of is that all people emit energy. So did the man at the library, and when I met him, I was able to pick up his energy for an instant. Through this experience I succeeded in finding a new important tenet:

If the energies of two persons are a match,

those persons are well matched.

So I had felt strongly attracted to the man because our energies went so well together. His initial failure to feel the same strong attraction was due to the fact that he was not yet open to sensing the energy of another person at that time. With him it also took a talk before he sensed that we were well matched.

Every person emits energy which may attract or repel you - according to whether the energies match. You will be attracted and repelled at the same time by some persons because you are only suited to part of those persons’ energy. The same applies to the music you hear, the home you live in, and the food you eat. I shall discuss all this - and much more - in the course of this book. If you learn to open yourself to these energies, you will be able to have a better life. Because then you will choose what you are in harmony with, and you will avoid many mistakes.

The man I told you about eventually became my husband, and together we have learned to sense the energies around us. We have learned to sense them and thus to choose what is good and right for us.

We all possess the ability to know what we need. And long before we are able to reason it out at that. We only have to learn to listen to our feelings and sensations. This is what some call listening to one’s inner voice, intuition or true voice. Then we have a better chance of living in harmony with ourselves and our surroundings, as we will get to know ourselves and others better. I hope this book will give you a better idea of what it means. Enjoy your read.

Everything Is Energy

Energy Has To Be Sensed

In our language we already have expressions indicating that we exchange energy when we meet. Such expressions as ‘We give each other good vibrations,’ ‘radiant with happiness’ or ‘we are on the same wavelength’ allude to this energy.

Most people cannot see, feel, smell, hear or taste energy. But everybody can learn to sense it. Some will find it easier than others to sense energy. The fundamental question is how open people are to sensing it. I shall discuss how to get better at sensing energy later on.

Another person’s energy may match your energy. Then we say that you are on the same wavelength. If you are on the same wavelength as another person, he or she attracts you. Or maybe another person’s energy does not match yours. Then we say that you are on different wavelengths. When you and another person are on different wavelengths, you will be repelled and shut your mind to him or her.

This rule applies to everything else in life as well. You are attracted by whatever harmonises with you and repelled by whatever does not harmonise with you. Try for example to think of a specific home, a place in the country or a workplace. These places too emit energy which you will be more or less suited to.

Meeting with Another Person

When you meet with another person, it is possible to sense that person’s energy instantaneously. That happened when I met my future husband at the library. I could sense what he was emitting, and then I opened myself up. Doing so, I knew he was the right one for me. All this could happen without any previous talk. I quite simply sensed his energy so clearly that I instantly knew that we belonged together. It is probably a rare thing to sense a person that clearly. But you will always be able to sense something, especially if you try not to pay attention to words, pose, smile and voice and learn to look behind them and sense the energy instead.

You have probably already been in some situations yourself when you instantaneously perceived that this was a person who gave you good or bad vibrations, although you had only known that person for a very short time. You were sensing the person’s energy.

The first time I personally experienced the importance of being on the same wavelength as someone else was in my school days. In lower-secondary school I was fond of my Danish teacher. I was doing well and loved the subject. In fact it was my favourite subject. Later on at the upper secondary school I had another teacher I did not get on with at all. In the beginning I would analyse all the poems and speak my mind with cheerful confidence like I used to. But every time I said something it was misunderstood. In my teacher’s opinion my answers were completely wrong. My teacher and I had quite different ideas and perceptions of the world. Eventually I stopped saying anything - which made my teacher dislike me and scold me because I never said anything. He was unaware of having silenced me himself. I lost my confidence and thought that from now on I was no good at Danish. I felt downright stupid and unable to learn. Hence I was much surprised when I entered the college of education and enjoyed Danish as much as I did in lower-secondary school. Now the things I said were useful again. My new teacher and I understood each other immediately.

At that time I did not realise what was happening. But today, when I turn back the time and try to sense the three individual teachers, I am aware that those three unhappy years with the Danish lessons at upper secondary school were simply due to the fact that my energy did not harmonise at all with that of my teacher. We were on completely different wavelengths, hence invariably talking right past one another. That fact also explains why the other students at the upper secondary school were perfectly well able to learn. They were suited to the teacher’s energy. When I realised this, I was able to let go of many years’ anger with that teacher which I felt had spoiled many lessons during my youth. Because now I understood that neither he nor I was to blame. It was probably as exasperating for my teacher to have me as a student as it was for me to be taught by him. None of us made any mistake. We were simply mismatched. And when people are mismatched, it is hard to teach and to learn.

If you and your teacher, boss or some other superior are on different wavelengths, it is therefore a good idea to try to find out whether it is possible to get yourself another, because in many ways both parties are wasting their energy trying to work together. If that is not possible, realising that nothing is wrong with either party may be a help to you. It is just that you are on different wavelengths. In this way you will not lose your confidence, and you will find it easier to accept the messages coming from the other party.

Just as it is difficult to learn anything from a teacher or superior if you are on different wavelengths, it is difficult to be cured by a doctor giving you bad vibrations, or listen to a vicar in church who is on a different wavelength. It is also difficult, if not impossible, to be at a workplace if you do not like the feel of it. Many people get jobs at workplaces where they feel uncomfortable even during the job interview. They push the feeling aside because they want the job. But the feeling will almost always be speaking the truth, and after a short time most will have to admit that they should not have accepted the job. They should have listened to their own sensations instead.

Now, it is of course not possible to back out every time one meets a person on a different wavelength. Most people are forced to spend time with people on a different wavelength every day. If so, the awareness that recurring tiffs are often simply due to mismatched energies will prove helpful, however. Then there will be no need to spend time reproaching the other party or oneself.

Trust Your Sensations

Listen to Yourself

If you want to feel whether you are on the same wavelength as another person, you have to trust your sensations, because you will not always get what you expect to get. A person with a loving appearance and an open pose may perfectly well be possessive and angry behind the kind exterior. You will then receive the person’s inner emotions when you are given a hug. And if you do not trust what you perceive, you will come to distrust yourself. And that is unhealthy.

You must listen to yourself if your body responds with tensions or other kinds of uneasiness when you are in close contact with another person. You must also listen to yourself if you have a feeling that the other is not telling the truth. You have to be true to yourself and your sensations. Otherwise you risk losing faith in yourself in the long term.

Once I nearly lost my own confidence that what I felt was true. When I was younger, I lived with a person who every day swore he loved me. Every time he said so, I would feel an ever stronger, inexplicable anger, and I retired into myself. In the end he said I was blunted because I refused his love and for a long time I was convinced that it was me who had a problem. Eventually my confidence sank to zero because I thought I was unable to give and accept love. Why, it was evident from my everyday life.

Now I have finally understood what was going on, and that has given me a deep peace of mind. I have realised that the words ‘I love you’ implied a lot of demands. To me, those words meant feeling warmth and showing complete and unqualified respect for one’s partner. But I could not square that with his actions. Therefore I responded in a healthy and rational way with anger and refusal. To him the words meant, ‘You have to act, think and feel like me. You have to be mine and mine only, and then I love you.’ The words said one thing, but his underlying emotions were not consistent with the things I associated with love. I caught those emotions rather than the words, and therefore we were unable to find each other. The energy he emitted when swearing he loved me did not match mine at all. His ideas and notions of life were far from mine. Therefore I had to protect myself from the energy that would otherwise capture me. I was doing my best. I protected myself from something that was bad for me, and closed my mind. But I did not have enough knowledge and experience to trust my own feelings.

Many things may be deceptive: the words, the pose, the smiles, the voice and so on. And it is easy to be captured by these immediate impressions. But if you learn to sense the underlying energy you will not be deceived. In the beginning many will find it hard to listen for the things behind those we sense immediately because we are so used to letting ourselves be guided by what we see and hear. We are used to letting ourselves be guided by what is logical and rational. But if we train ourselves to listen more to our inner voice, we shall find our way back to something primordial within all of us.

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