CONTENTS
Cover
About the Book
About the Author
Also by Susan Jeffers
Title Page
Dedication
I Introduction
II Reminders from ‘The Source’
III How to Use this Book
On your Own
With a Group
IV The Toolbox for Fear-Less Living
1 Replace the Chatterbox
2 Ask your Higher Self
3 Say ‘Yes!’ to Life!
4 Let Go of Outcomes
5 Practise Making ‘No-Lose’ Decisions
6 Expand the Comfort Zone
7 Uncover the Payoffs
8 Take Back your Life!
9 Find ‘Friendly’ Friends
10 Create a Grid of Life
11 Open your Eyes to Abundance
12 Give It Away
V There’s Always More
VI 30-Day ‘Power Planner’
Addendum: Teach the Children
Endnotes
Acknowledgements
Copyright
Books and Tapes
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: How to Turn Your Fear and Indecision into Confidence and Action
Feel the Fear … And Beyond: Dynamic Techniques for Doing It Anyway
End the Struggle and Dance with Life: How to Build Yourself Up When the World Gets You Down*
Dare To Connect: Reaching Out in Romance, Friendship and the Workplace*
Opening Our Hearts to Men: Taking Charge of our Lives and Creating a Love That Works*
Losing a Love, Finding a Life: Healing The Pain of a Broken Relationship
Thoughts of Power and Love
The ‘Fear-Less’ Series:
Inner Talk for …A Confident Day*
A Love That Works*
Peace of Mind*
*Available on audiotape
Workshop Audiotapes
The Art of Fearbusting
A Fearbusting Workshop
Flirting From The Heart
Opening Our Hearts to Each Other
Visit Susan Jeffer’s Website at www.susanjeffers.com
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Epub ISBN: 9781473529793
Version 1.0
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Ebury Press, an imprint of Ebury Publishing,
20 Vauxhall Bridge Road,
London SW1V 2SA
Ebury Press is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.
Copyright © Susan Jeffers 1998
Susan Jeffers has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
First published by Ebury Press in 2016
www.eburypublishing.co.uk
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 9780712608831
To the many people
who have let me know I’ve
made a difference in
their lives.
Please know that you’ve truly
made a difference in mine.
My deepest thanks.
A big thank you to my editor, Judith Kendra, who encouraged me to write this book … and to all the people at Random House who lovingly made it a reality.
A big thank you to my American agent, Dominick Abel, and my British agent, David Grossman, who have always had my best interests at heart. As a bonus, I’ve loved the lunches and dinners and laughs we’ve shared over the years.
A big thank you to my daughter, Leslie Gershman, who contributed her valuable insights about many aspects of this book. She lives her life in a ‘Do It Anyway’ fashion and it’s wonderful to watch.
And, as always, a big kiss, a hug and thank you to my wonderful husband, Mark Shelmerdine, who never lets a day go by without letting me know, in words and actions, how much he loves me. My darling Mark, the feeling is mutual.
ONE OF THE most fulfilling experiences of my life has been the success of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It is now available in twenty-three countries and as letters come in from thankful readers near and far, I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude. I am so happy we have touched each other’s lives.
In a way, Feel the Fear … and Beyond is a ‘thank you’ to the many friends I’ve made throughout the world. It is my response to those who have asked me to create a companion book to help make the exercises in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway become a meaningful part of their everyday lives. It’s one thing to know what these exercises are; it’s another to take this knowing deep within your being so that you have the courage to live your life as you would like to live it. And that requires the kind of practice this book offers.
In addition to the exercises that are included, I’ve interspersed some very moving letters I’ve received from people who have made dramatic alterations to the way they see the world as a result of doing the exercises. Hopefully the reading of these letters will keep your commitment strong. While I’ve naturally changed them a little to protect the identity of the writers, the essence of the letters demonstrates the power that the exercises have to transport you to the best of who you are and make you powerful in the face of your fears.
I remember a time many years ago when I was paralysed with fear. The world out there seemed vast and scary. Now the world seems to have shrunk to a very manageable size … and I love being in it. I can tell you that my ability to keep moving forward with my life, despite any fear I encounter along the way, is a result of my commitment to practise the exercises I learned from my many teachers over the years.
I ask you to make this same commitment. Trust me when I tell you that the negativity in the world will always try to pull you down and make you weak. It is up to you to take an active role in remaining powerful and loving despite what is happening in the outside world. As you commit to doing the exercises, slowly you begin to ‘live into’ the part of you that is filled with courage, trust, love, fulfilment, joy and all good things. The yearning disappears. You will have found the best of who you are. It doesn’t get any better than that.
I have M.E. (myalgia encephalomyelitis). I work as a consultant for a large firm. I contracted the disease a year ago and have been off work ever since. I have muscle problems and suffer from general lethargy. Recently I became deeply depressed about my situation; my inability to play with my wonderful child, my limitless anger and frustration, my perceived hopelessness of my condition, the threat of redundancy, my drift into anti-social behaviour (this list could take at least another page!)
I went away for a couple of days on my own in order to clarify the whirlpool of thoughts I had washing around my tortured mind. When I returned I felt as though I were beginning on a path out of my morass but I didn’t really know what to do or how to do it. Then by complete good fortune I happened upon a copy of your fantastic book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. The ideas you present in it are so simple, logical and inspiring that I immediately began to carry out the exercises.
That was one month ago. My doctors, family and friends are amazed at the change in my outlook. My life force and spirit, which I always had in abundance before my illness, are back and are helping me through the most difficult aspects of my condition.
I cannot thank you enough for touching my life in such a practical and profound way. I still have bad days, but learn from them now instead of wallowing in them. I am not yet physically well enough to return to work, but I believe that I will completely recover in time to save my job. I am not even that worried if I do lose my job, because I now know that whatever happens will bring its own opportunities and rewards.
Thank you …
T. F.
Salisbury, UK
IF IT’S BEEN some time since you read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, it is a good idea to re-visit it now. If you haven’t read it (horrors!) I suggest you do. Since the enclosed exercises are based on the principles in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, reading it will enrich your experience of this particular book enormously. (I’ve provided endnotes to direct you to relevant sections.) Also, please read the following reminders frequently. They are meant to help you remember why it is so important to master the tools I am presenting. It is so easy to forget!
What Are We Afraid Of? All of us can name many situations that keep us in a state of fear. For example, fear of ageing, rejection, ending a relationship, losing a loved one, not having enough money, becoming ill, and on and on and on. This is a good time for you to think about the fears you encounter in all areas of your life. And as they come into your mind, write them in the following space. (As with all the exercises in this book, really take the time to think about your responses.)
The fears that run my life are:
I suspect that all the fears you’ve listed above are what I call ‘surface’ fears. They apply to situations regarding career, relationships, money, health, ageing, acceptance, loss and the like. I call them surface fears because they only scratch the surface. If you look a little deeper you find the BIG fear … the real fear which is the underlying cause of all your other fears. And what is that fear? It is the fear that you won’t be able to handle whatever life brings you!
If you knew that you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? Nothing!
The exercises in this book go a long way in helping you create the confidence that you can handle whatever life brings you in a powerful and loving way.
WHAT A GREAT REASON TO DO THE EXERCISES!
Why Do We Grow Up Having So Little Confidence in our Ability to Handle Whatever Happens in our Lives? Well, it could be our conditioning. I love to point out that in all my years, I have never heard a parent calling out to a child going off to school: ‘Take some risks today, darling …’ On the contrary, the words we hear are usually: ‘Be careful …’ Ultimately, it’s a wonder we have the courage to walk out the door!
But we are not here to blame our parents. (Nor am I suggesting we tell our children to put themselves in physically dangerous situations!) Blame is a powerless act. There is no need to blame anyone or anything for who we are at this moment in time. Instead we pick up the tools which are embodied in this book to help us build our courage in the here and now.
WHAT A GREAT REASON TO DO THE EXERCISES!
Why Do These Exercises Work? They work because they teach us how to access the greatest resource within our being: the ‘Higher Self’. The Higher Self is the space within each and every one of us that is filled with all nourishing qualities such as joy, creativity, intuition, peace, power, love, compassion and all good things.
I’m sure there have been moments, however fleeting, when you have been able to access this transcendent place within. At those times, all seemed right with the world. The fear and struggle were replaced by a sense that ‘All is well’, but the feeling never lasts. Why? Because it is our tendency to revert to a more familiar part of ourselves which I call the ‘Lower Self’.
You’ll recognize the Lower Self as the place within that is filled with all negative qualities such as anger, judgement, a sense of scarcity, helplessness and, of course, fear. If you want to live a joyful and creative life, therefore, your task seems very clear … and that is to become a Higher-Self thinker instead of a Lower-Self thinker. Each of the exercises in this book is meant to help you accomplish this goal.
WHAT A GREAT REASON TO DO THE EXERCISES!
Why Do We Hang On to Lower-Self Living When It Is So Negative? I believe that Lower-Self living is a habit. Habit is defined as an acquired pattern of behaviour that has become involuntary as a result of frequent repetition. We now have to make Higher-Self living a habit. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we involuntarily thought in a loving and powerful way? Indeed!
So how do we break undesirable old habits? Through constant repetition of the desired behaviour. The exercises provide constant repetition of desired behaviour and, therefore, are the habit breakers we need. Ultimately they allow us to think in a Higher-Self way. They engage the Spirit. They awaken us to a beautiful way of seeing the world around us.
WHAT A GREAT REASON TO DO THE EXERCISES!
When We Do These Exercises, Does the Fear Go Away? In Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, I introduced you to a number of ‘truths’ about fear. Fear Truth 1 is very telling:
FEAR TRUTH 1: THE FEAR WILL NEVER GO AWAY AS LONG AS YOU CONTINUE TO GROW!
Every time you take a step into the unknown, you experience fear. There is no point in saying, ‘When I am no longer afraid, then I will do it.’ You’ll be waiting a long time! The fear is part of the package. The exercises help you to move forward despite the fear. They help you ‘do it anyway’. They give you courage. They allow you to see things in a new and powerful way.
WHAT A GREAT REASON TO DO THE EXERCISES!
What Are the Other Truths about Fear? The other truths about fear offer some interesting insights as well. They are:
FEAR TRUTH 2: THE ONLY WAY TO GET RID OF THE FEAR OF DOING SOMETHING IS TO GO OUT … AND DO IT!
When you ‘do it’ often enough, you will no longer be afraid in that particular situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it. Then new challenges await you … which certainly adds to the excitement in living!
FEAR TRUTH 3: THE ONLY WAY TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF IS TO GO OUT … AND DO IT!
With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger.
FEAR TRUTH 4: NOT ONLY ARE YOU GOING TO EXPERIENCE FEAR WHENEVER YOU’RE ON UNFAMILIAR TERRITORY, BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE!
This should be a relief! You’re not the only one out there feeling fear. Everyone feels fear when taking a step into the unknown. Yes, all those people out there who have succeeded in doing what they have wanted to do in life have felt the fear … and did it anyway! So can you.
FEAR TRUTH 5: PUSHING THROUGH FEAR IS LESS FRIGHTENING THAN LIVING WITH THE UNDERLYING FEAR THAT COMES FROM A FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS!
This is the one that some people have trouble understanding. Trust me when I tell you that as you push through the fear, you will feel such a sense of relief as your feeling of helplessness subsides. You will wonder why you didn’t take action sooner. You will become more and more aware that you truly can handle anything that life brings you.
As you look at these truths about fear, particularly Truth 4, you see that FEAR IS NOT THE PROBLEM. If fear were the problem, nobody would be moving forward with their lives. No, fear is not the problem; it is how we hold that fear. Do we hold it from a position of pain, paralysis and depression (the position of the Lower Self) or a position of power, action and love (the position of the Higher Self)? Obviously, our task is very clear. It is to move ourselves from a position of pain about fear to one of power. And, once again, that is the purpose of the exercises.
WHAT A GREAT REASON TO DO THE EXERCISES!
How Long Do We Have to Do the Exercises? For a lifetime! Sorry about that! I don’t know why we can’t just become powerful and stay that way. What I do know is that if we don’t exercise the muscle that takes us to the Highest part of who we are, it weakens and we begin to fall back into a state of pain and paralysis once again. We become asleep to the power and love that lie within.
I liken it to our physical bodies. We must use the muscles in our body to keep in great physical shape, that is, we must exercise. In the same way, we must use the muscles that take us to our Higher Self, that is, we must exercise! That’s just the way it is.
WHAT A GREAT REASON TO DO THE EXERCISES!
Why Haven’t I Known about the Higher Self Before? I see the Higher Self as the spiritual part of who we are. Our society talks of Body, Mind and Spirit. Yet the emphasis is almost totally on Body and Mind (and I might add money!) Little is taught about the spiritual part of who we are. Even religion often alienates us from our powerful and loving natures, for example, when it asks us to judge or to exclude others. As a result, we are seldom in touch with the part of us that is loving, joyful, creative, intuitive, powerful and knows there is nothing to fear.
Instead of Higher-Self living, we are taught Lower-Self living by a very fearful society. Just listening to the news can put terror in our hearts! We learn to hear only the voice of doom and gloom … the voice that is fearful, judgemental, angry, insecure and all negative things.